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At this point you’re upset that they are making you feel things and that they just won’t go away. At this point your Narcissist has gotten what they wanted – contact. You said that you’d always love me – were you lying then too? You’ve wanted to hear and feel that this man really loves you throughout your entire relationship and here it is.
A part of you is a little happy that they aren’t giving up without a fight and that the shoe is on the other foot for a change, but you’ve made up your mind, you’re done and you want these messages to stop, so you tell yourself it’s ok to reply. It doesn’t matter that the contact was negative – they got you to respond, which was their goal. You’re thrilled that he wants you back and the fact that he’s not giving up must really mean he loves you – right? The problem now is you’re starting to soften a bit and you justify responding again because you need to respond to these allegations. No I wasn’t lying, but how much do you expect me to put up with?
When a Narcissist is pursuing you like this, do not misinterpret this as flattery, or an indication of the depth of their emotions for you.
What it really is, is an attempt to control you and a complete disregard for your wishes and your boundaries.
If a Narcissist pulls the lever and gets what he wants all the time, he’ll pull it whenever he has a desire to.
If he pulls it and only gets rewarded some of the time, he’s going to keep pulling a lot longer, because he knows it pays off sometimes, so he tells himself he’s just got to be persistent.
If you tell someone no and they continue, that’s incredibly disrespectful and fully indicative of someone whose only interest is in their own needs – not yours.
Whether this is conscious behavior or subconscious behavior, a narcissist knows just what information is important enough to be remembered and stored for future use.
I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you, but my issue is almost over and then we can spend all the time together you want. The thing to remember is that when we go no contact it’s for a very good reason. Everything that is being said to you while you’re attempting no contact is smoke and mirrors. This is a game and your Narcissist is only interested in winning. Their ability to feel empathy is impaired, they can’t fully comprehend how their behavior has made you feel.
It’s because we realize that we are being abused and manipulated and we need to extricate ourselves from the insanity. When there is no comprehension of cause and effect, there is no motive for real change.
They will pull no punches and you will see everything you’ve ever said thrown back at you in an attempt to weaken your defenses.
Many of us go into no contact feeling strong and determined to be done with all the madness and then out of nowhere a text message comes in.